I’m a long-term reader of LGBT romance and I have to say I’m
appalled by what I’ve seen recently in the “queer romance community.” A few
days ago I heard about some whack shit going on in the genre and decided to do
some digging. Now I kinda wish I hadn’t because the transphobic, gaslighting
garbage I found flipped my stomach and tbh I can’t believe no one else has
picked up on this yet.
Evidently, this stuff has been going on for months and
several authors, many of them LGBT, have been targeted by a toxic group of
readers and pushed out of their own genre as a result. It’s horrifying, so
buckle on up y’all cuz we got some serious shit to talk about.
For at least six months (possibly longer, I didn’t go back
further than that because honest to God I couldn’t read anymore of it), a super
vocal but small group of readers using the #getloud hashtag on Twitter and
Facebook have been targeting authors in the space for “scamming” readers in Amazon’s Kindle
program. That “scamming” seems to be a flavor-of-the-week situation covering all manner of shit
that’s not really relevant to this conversation. If you wanna know more, go
surf the #getloud hashtag on FB and Twitter, it’s all there.
There are legitimate discussions to be had about the ethics
behind some of the stuff these authors are accused of doing, but this group
skipped right the hell on past discussing it like adults and moved to
doxxing the authors they thought were doing something wrong to shut them down.
The craziest thing though is that after this group, which I
repeat claims to be a group of allies for the LGBT community, decides
they don’t like an author, they do everything in their power to break into that
author’s social media accounts, email accounts, and anything else they can
break into. Then they’ll either pose as that author using the hacked account
and reveal every other pen name that author has written as, exponentially raising the
risk that the author will be outed, or they’ll just post whatever damning things they find all
over Twitter. I don’t think I need to remind y’all how dangerous that can be
for queer authors using pen names to protect their identities in the first
place, particularly those who are closeted IRL.
But speaking of outing, they did it to a trans author named
Xen, who was previously closeted, most recently. They started by sending
him cryptic DMs using his deadname under a Twitter handle they hijacked that
previously belonged to his abusive ex:
It forced Xen to write a very long post basically outing
himself, which itself led to him leaving social media:
Far and away the craziest part of all this though is that when
the group was called out on what they did theynot onlyadmitted
to doing it, they explained how they did it and revealed that
legal action’s been brought against them in the past for the same thing.
All right, y’all. So yesterday I brought you the garbage going on in the “queer romance community” wherein a group of readers claiming to be allies forced a trans author to out himself after doxxing him.
Since I made that post, if you can believe it, I’ve found even more hateful, transphobic crap in their history. Oh, and the group has doubled down on their assertion that what they’ve done doesn’t constitute hacking and attacked more trans authors for daring to speak out against them.
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
I’ll keep this one short and sweet and let their words speak for themselves. TONS of receipts after the cut.
It seems this isn’t the first time this group has outed an LGBT author, another case in which they had no remorse about what they did because they think they’re exposing “catfish pretending to be male authors” (what the FUCK transphobic garbage is that?) and then make jokes about how they’re going to sell courses that teach their methods before refusing to apologize for any of it. See for yourself:
Wow. I mean W-O-W. Tons more transphobic bullshit after the jump.
So, I don’t think I said anything when I reblogged this before because I was on mobile which is not so conducive to writing responses on large posts. However, I’m a Super Official Computer Person ™ and the history of computer security and how to improve it now is something that I’m interested in.
A while back (I want to say 2015 or so?) I read Kevin Mitnick’s book “Ghost In The Wires”. The book itself is not super important (any more than the information about the dude that’s free on the internet is, anyway) but to contextualize, Mitnick is a pretty prolific “computer hacker,” both self described and as described by others. He was, in fact, arrested for the hacking that he did. So what “highly sophisticated” methods did he use to do all this extremely illegal hacking? The exact same thing we see here. Using other people’s accounts posing as them? A crime. resetting someone else’s password, pretending to be them? A crime. “Just using loopholes UWU” to get information about people without their knowledge? Literally criminal, taking advantage of company policy loopholes and people’s good faith is, again, literally how Mitnick did 90% of the hacking that got him imprisoned for years.
Is anyone going to be convicted for hacking someone’s livejournal? Yeah probably not, it’s too low profile and no physical harm came to anybody involved. But it’s absolutely illegal and saying that it’s not hacking is like swinging in someone’s face and saying “I technically haven’t attacked you.” Do it to the wrong person in the wrong place and you’re gonna wind up with someone hitting back in self defense and they will be 100% vindicated.
(I will say though make sure to archive those tweets because if this is something that this person has done enough times to enough people they will absolutely be convicted regardless of how pointless the website is. The tweets can most likely be used as evidence against them, but if they delete before the tweets can be archived nobody will have that chance. Screenshots count for nothing really because they can be altered, it’s all about that archiving of the original page.)
So many horrific stories of abuse start with “he was great until we got married” and that’s honestly so fucking upsetting because it’s relatively normal.
Like so many women are so, so careful before they commit to a man in any way because he could turn out to be a horrible abuser. They find one they think is different, one they think they can trust, and as soon as they’re legally bound to him he turns out to be exactly what they feared he would be.
That’s horrible.
And, I can say from personal experience, it is embarrassing to get divorced almost immediately after being married. No one cares about how long you were together beforehand or what happened, they just think “Oh it only lasted a year, she’s so irresponsible”. On top of it being exceedingly difficult to get help from the police or other legal assistance(especially if you live together, share funds, children, property, etc.), there’s a heavy stigma that comes with it, only isolating abuse victims further.
I’m trying to think of something to say other than “boycott marriage” because I know that’s not realistic, but at the very least, please support divorced women.
By “support divorced women” I mean:
– don’t make us justify why we got divorced and don’t feel entitled to the details of what happened.
– don’t contribute to the stigma around divorced women that says we’re irresponsible, or that something must be wrong with us.
– If a woman close to you is getting divorced, don’t guilt her into apologizing or going back to her husband. If she’s the one filing, don’t make her question why she wants the divorce.
Can we just… normalize teens loving their parents? Like obviously you’re not obligated to if your parents are shitty, but damn, I love my mom. She’s there for me all the time and sure we have rough patches but honestly she’s the greatest. Like. We need teens to know that they don’t have to hate their parents just cause.
It must be nice to come from a nonabusive family. One that doesn’t traumatized every emotional interaction to the point where you drive away any sign of love as a form of manipulation because that’s all that you were raised with. 🤷♀️
It is.
Reading Comprehension
but loving ur parents is already normalized and its the kids w/ abusive parents that actually have to deal with misunderstandings and ignorance from others regarding this topic.
Hey there, I’m talking about the trope where it’s seen as super uncool to like your parents that was literally pushed on teens through the media since the culture shift in the early 60s. The post has nothing to do with abusive parents. I was abused as a kid and honestly if the trope where teens have to hate their parents to be cool died, then kids with actual abusive parents would have an easier time recognizing abuse this has been a psa
“if the trope where teens have to hate their parents to be cool died, then kids with actual abusive parents would have an easier time recognizing abuse”
Teen with abusive parents: I hate my parents
Teen influenced by society: Me too mine are the worst
The takeaway for teen 1: This is normal and it’s supposed to be this way
The takeaway for teen 2: My friend’s parents are like mine
The takeaway for any adult listening: All kids who complain about their parents are just being rebellious
i read the sentence “abusers groom their character witnesses as carefully as they groom their victims” (in a comment thread in response to a “but i know [the accused] and hes such a nice man!!”) and it’s blowing my mind a weird amount even though i guess i already knew that
when you go from a bad situation into a better one you may collapse exhausted and unsure what to do and full of grief, you may need time to regain the ability to do things as yourself or motivated by anything other than terror, you may need time to process or mourn or fall apart in ways you could not before,
and people may use this as proof that the old situation was better for you, proof that you need to go back, and it is not proof that it was better for you or proof that you need to go back
!!!
It’s so incredibly common to “fall apart” when you’re finally safe. You no longer need to stay so tightly coiled in on yourself, you can finally leave survival mode and process your trauma. You’re not holding yourself up by sheer terror anymore and suddenly the damage that terror has done to you becomes immediate and obvious.
This is so important. Don’t go back. Things are already getting better, even if it doesn’t feel that way.
This is a documented phenomenon with abuse in particular. I’ve had a number of people ask me why they’re falling apart now after they’ve moved into a safer home, or they’re in a less dangerous area, or they’ve left an exploitative job, or they’re in a healthy relationship for the first time. Generally, it’s because they made that positive change.
When we’re still in the midst of crisis, we’re often too overloaded and physically/emotionally unsafe to really feel or process anything. So for most of us, everything gets pushed down/repressed/dissociated until later, when we’re safe and supported. The threshold of safety at which processing begins to occur varies from person to person. And the mental calculations used to determine “safety” usually happen on an unconscious level. Very few of us have the conscious thought “I’m safe now, so I can process what happened to me.” Instead, the subconscious realizes some level of safety has been achieved, and so it just dumps a load of suppressed stuff.
Sometimes, it’s contrast to past experiences that makes us realize something was traumatic at all. In such cases, it’s not that we’ve reached a level of safety and can thus begin to process, it’s that we finally have a basis for comparison to know that what went before was unacceptable.
see also: my childhood
My depression, PTSD, anxiety, and panic attacks didn’t really kick up bad until I moved in with my now-wife, which is when I moved away from my family.
god, listening to white diamond talk hurts because i KNOW that language
—“you certainly gave everyone a scare! they’re just thrilled to see you safe and sound”
aka: you wasted our time. we’re just worried for your safety and you’re being difficult
—“this latest little game of yours”
aka: your anger is childish and you always waste our time being difficult
—“did you get everything out of your system?”
aka: are you done being a brat? are you done being difficult?
and that welcome home: this is where you belong. this is what you deserve. you strayed. you were ungrateful. that won’t happen again.
a cornerstone of emotional abuse is making the victim feel like their emotions are childish, like they’re being difficult— they’re selfish, they’re a burden on their abuser and they deserve their punishment.
“if somebody becomes panicked when you accuse them of lying theyre obviously not telling the truth” shut up ugly im a survivor who got punished for shit i never did all the time of fucking course im gonna panic when im blamed for something i didnt do
since this post is actually getting attention rn i really want to emphasize this-
many of the “tells” of lying are traits commonly found in abuse survivors and mentally ill/disabled people.
stuttering, averting eye contact, panicking, raising your volume, fidgeting, and other similar traits are actions performed commonly by these groups, especially in situations of heavy stress- such as being accused of doing something we didnt do, especially if we are afraid of being punished for doing nothing.
im honestly begging people to think critically when accusing somebody of lying for small traits like these.
“Harshly disciplined and poorly nourished, children at residential schools often died from illnesses such as tuberculosis, pneumonia or influenza. But others died from the hard labour they were forced to endure or died by suicide.”
Intimate partner violence is the #1 cause of preventable deaths of women
18-35. 15-45 for black women. I’m a DV victim as well. I’ve just never
seen that 75% number before
ForLoveFromFear 